Toffee-tiam Talk

Contributed by : Biing

You would never know what happens when you gather a litigator, a technical engineer and a banker for a makan session.  Indeed football was the topic among these faithful Toffees and Everton talk was never spared among the other topics i.e. political parties, PM, Syariah Laws, oil prices and housing loans.  

So what happens when you mix all those topics together?  Well an interesting topic came around and I decided to expand this idea further. 

Imagine : Adrie and Biing runs the government of Malaysia?  We were laughing our heads off and it came almost spontaneously, “We will table a motion for the Malaysian Government to buy Everton FC”. 

Malaysian Government (GOM) takes control of Everton FC.  The story goes: 

Imagine, the Chang logo shall be replaced by the national coat of arms, bearing two tigers, keris and the slogan “Bersekutu Bertambah Mutu”.  Oh yes, not to forget the sides of the jerseys with the infamous “majulah Sukan untuk Negara”. 

This can be added with Z Cars played in the tune of Negaraku or vice versa before the start of the game.  Interesting isn’t it? 

On a slighter serious note, it would be an interesting proposition as it will help ease Everton’s financial problems.  Everton comes cheap.  A mere GBP20m buys you the controlling stake in the blue half of Merseyside.  What more, when the club’s financial results for FY08 recorded a all time high turnover of GBP75.6m backed by PAT of GBP26K (1st time in the black after years of negativity).  

On the backside, we are GBP40m in debt.  Our tangible assets worth only a mere GBP13m.  As far as the books are concerned, EFC will never get any loans from any conservative bank as it is deemed technically insolvent by virtue of its negative shareholders funds of GBP19.7m.  Which is why, it is a damn cheap offer for a mere GBP20m. 

Now, the GOM can easily raise funds through the Malaysian markets as liquidity is good and financing cost is relatively cheap (we can use GOM sovereign ratings and the all in financing cost plus spread will be around 5% compared to EFC’s current 8%).    

Furthermore, we can raise GBP20m for the purchase, and GBP40m (MYR330m) for loan settlement and refinancing all packages against a GBP/MYR swap through the domestic money market which is relatively easy to sell to local investment banks (or force them to).  Nevertheless, these are commitments that can be spreaded over time. 

What is in for the country investing into EFC? 

Firstly we can be assured that the National Sports Council need not spend MYR500m in a London playground for the national football academy.  Finch Farm would serve best for the price of a mere MYR330m.  Our players can be trained by professionals and managed through a proven structured system. 

For the national team, well, we can adopt a similar strategy ala Singapore, by nationalizing foreign players.  At least we get Premier League quality players.  Since EFC has considerable talents not making their national colors, what is more that we (as we are the govt) make them Malaysian nationalities. 

Imagine, Tan Sri Bill Kenright, Datuk David Mosa (his Scottish accent proved similar to Kelantanese Malay), Mikel Abdullah, Tim Hamid, Mohd Yobo, Johan Lescott, and Leon Othman (lee way given since he is already Malaysian he can still be Osman).  We will surely win the Asian Cup.  And maybe qualify for the World Cup as well. 

With the Malaysian Government investment at Goodison Park it will be good and cheap advertisement rights for our tourism dept etc.  An added benefit would be; should the 39th game be allowed, Kuala Lumpur will definitely be a venue and gate receipts would be benefitting to club and country. 

It would be better if we can pass a bill allowing the home ground of Everton to be transferred to KL for some 5 matches in the season?  This ia might be a long shot but possible.  Imagine the profits we can reap should Manure, Arse, Cheski, Man City and Villa (Shites don’t deserve it), play in KL for our “distant” home venue? 

Financial cover?  As mentioned above, we would have this covered and should issues arise, it would be very difficult to sue the GOM.  Our sovereign rating is good enough for that. 

Management will be vested in the arms of the professionals and the team is to be picked by the Manager.  As an Evertonian we know how not to mess up management.  Datuk David Mosa will have our full support and power to run his team. 

Player transfers, shall be managed in a way of co-ownership by Malaysian GLCs.  And some can be funded through arrangements vide the Malaysia Boleh spirit way.  Malaysia managed to send a cosmonaut / astronaut to space, made a F1 driver, conquered Everest, circled the world in a yacht, build the tallest iconic buildings…. What else we aren’t capable of? 

The only drawback in this acquisition to the lovely game would be inconsistency in kickoff times as a typical Malaysia way of being late for any functions.  Kickoff will be an hour late due to speeches, handshaking and typically because of a traffic jam.  Well we got a lot of MBs, parliamentarians and royalties attending thats why. 

Second drawback would be goodison stand may be selling rojak, karipap, kerepek, ramli burger and alcohol may be banned.  Park End, Glawdy Streets end may be altered to Taman Tamat, and Jalan Glawgy (or perhaps changed to Jalan Kejora).

Thirdly, severe trafic jams due to foregn import Mamak, Burger and Genuine Replication Stalls opened towards Taman Goodison.

But on the hindsight, at least a regular kompang troop shall be introduced into the fray during games. Plus the gand old team shall be altered to "Inilah Barisan Kita".

Indeed this acquisition brings Malaysia to the world in terms of its culture, iconic ego and returns immense positive ancillary kick backs to the nation. 

Majulah Sukan Untuk Negara.  

Biingo